There was a spiritual battle going on, and a battle with me sharing with her the "truth", so I gave up. I started to believe that I wasn't there with her for the reason I thought. My patience was almost non-existent and God wasn't working fast enough, so I thought. Then came last year, 2011. I went back to see my son graduate college and when I got back, my mom got very ill and had to have surgery. I had to be the one to take care of business as usual, while she was recovering. She got better and we both made a trip back to see my son get married. About a week later I got a cold or flu or something, then I got migraines. I was sick for awhile and then it happened. I collapsed. No one knew what was happening and it took months to see a neurologist and get tests done. The neurologist wasn't sure at first what was happening and in the meantime I was telling every doctor about my condition. Finally after all the tests were taken, we found I had a seizure. I had to slow down. I still continued to help my mom with things I shouldn't have been doing. And I refused to look at the truth. This wasn't going to go away.
So now it's about a year later and I had another seizure and I wanted it to be fixed. I already knew it couldn't be, but denied it. I was proud in the fact that I could take on work on my own strength and continue in my denial that I needed to not do too much. I was proud in the fact, while moving this year, that "I" could do this. I recited "I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me", but denied the fact that I wasn't the only one who could help my mom and I move. We did have help with friends and a moving company, but my excuse for pushing myself was that I didn't want to disappoint my mom. She had no clue as to how bad this illness could be until last week, because, again I was too proud. Yes we can do all things...through Christ, and He does give us strength, but we as humans do have limitations and I hadn't accepted that. "I" wanted to be there to help my mom. "I" wanted God to heal "me". "I" wanted answered prayers quickly in my time.
"Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall."